Friday, October 13, 2006

A Question of Love


A Question of Love...What do I know! But here are some tips I could learn from if ever......


DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.

She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.


Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extra-marital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.

It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship. WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.


This beautifully-written article is from a forwarded email. Unfortunately, the source is unknown.

10 comments:

  1. Well said!

    Marriage is a full-time job, and the sooner people realize that the sooner we can keep the divorce rate down! Of course, if one is willing to do the work, one is able to reap the rewards.

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  2. Happy, you certainly write like a marriage counsellor.

    Most people understand the 'dos' and 'don'ts', but work related stress and other personal problems often turn people jittery and impatient, making performance of 'dos' very much more difficult. Thus, learning to love the person you found, may prove to be more than an uphill task...a herculean task!

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  3. MM, well-said, yourself. Unfortunately, people these days are less tolerant and are less willing to work things out when faced with problems. We need a revival of old values.

    Joe, no, I didn't write that inspirational piece. I wish.

    A herculean task? Wow! No wonder so many of us are still looking. haha!

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  4. Oh, rubbish.

    The short answer to "DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?" is "NO". Because marriage is an antiquated concept anyway and doing it was a mistake no matter who made the mistake with.

    Next.

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  5. Wow! Pandabonium, I hear you and I'm wondering whether I should celebrate or not. Thanks for your daring honest opinion.

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  6. Anonymous7:43 PM

    I'm not sure to the questions but the labour of love is so true
    Nothing ever just happens even falling in love
    But then again if the labour is of one there is no use...
    No use at all

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  7. sniif sniff

    how true....

    everything needs effort! :)

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  8. "Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work."

    agree...

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  9. Z, I'm no expert but I do know that it takes two to tango and everything needs effort as what Pink Cotton mentioned.

    RS, I guess you know best. :D

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  10. Panda-B, what's wrong with antiquated concepts? I've met a great many people who seriously believe love is an antiquated concept. Does that make it wrong?

    (Never use the word "antiquated" around a romantic sentimentalist!)

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